


Sins

by Venus_Belfire



Category: Original Work
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-23 05:29:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13183323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Venus_Belfire/pseuds/Venus_Belfire
Summary: To my dearest family and friends, this letter may never reach you but when it does; know that coming out has been not a destination - but a journey.





	Sins

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The person who breaks my heart every single day](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=The+person+who+breaks+my+heart+every+single+day).



The way I've seen it, it's all been easier to bury something. It's always been easier to not even mention something than to explain it. Had I told you then, maybe now wouldn't be so hard to endure. Maybe if I had told you then, maybe I wouldn't have to watch you cry now. In a way I feel like smashed glass, that I broke something so fragile and the wounds are getting deeper and deeper. Forget it. What right do I have to ask you not to cry. As though I stabbed you and told you not to bleed. Sorry feels like to weak a word, but I am truly sorry. Sorry for my brother, who I know can no longer look up to me. To my sister who may question who she believed I had once been, and who I have chosen to be now. Someone who tries so hide it, to put a barrier between my thoughts and actions. How the neighbours will call be a sinner, but what else is there to say. So cry, as I can't seem to dry my own eyes. 

The light has never brought me enlightenment, only to illuminate the flaws in my heart and burn me when I turn my back. Please let me be forgiven for my sins. Please. You always told me I talked too much, maybe í should have listened. Maybe I shouldn't have tried to hard and spent so much time trying to explain and change myself. I could taste it, my heart breaking as blood rose to my throat. It's always about how I talk, how I walk, how I look ah. I always hoped there was time to change it. 

I hate myself you know, and I know you will hate me too. Please don't just say you know when I tell you I can't control it, when we both know nobody could take it. I would always fall in love with every beautiful stranger that passed me, I would chase girls and you would laugh at my failures. And I remember how proud you where of me when I got my first girlfriend. But the more we talked, the more I realised I was jealous of how easy she had found it. How easily she could move onto another man. I realised I wanted to be loved too, by another man, and for it to have been so easy and thoughtless as my first girlfriend had found it. 

I remember when I told grandma, just a few months before she passed. What hurts is, in all honesty, if she saw me now she would be ashamed. I still question what is truly the right thing to do. Had I maybe not told she could have died proud of me, and had I not listened when she told me to never return could I remember clearer now her face. A face that isnt disgusted. Her exact words, are as clear as anything she ever told me: "the sin isn't in the secret, it becomes a sin when it stops being a secret". She hated me for telling her. Maybe it's time for me to cry, to sob out this anxious feeling. The suns coming out, and I hope to join it someday. I don't know when I will send this, or if I ever will. But know if I do, I'm a stronger man than when I wrote it.


End file.
